Clyde Said He Wanted to Come Back and Try Bottoming Again
My first time bottoming was a nightmare come up to life. I was in pain the entire fourth dimension, not to mention super self-conscious about my partner existence all up in my rear end.
If you lot're not familiar with the term, "bottoming" refers to beingness on the receiving end of anal sex, pregnant the "bottom" is the partner putting the penis (or dildo) inside of them. (The person sticking said penis or dildo inside the bottom is referred to every bit the "height.")
After my negative sexual feel, I couldn't for the life of me empathise what was pleasurable about bottoming. How do so many men—gay, bi, and straight—derive pleasure from having a penis (or dildo) inside of them? Afterward my beginning unpleasant feel, I didn't bottom for quite some time. Somewhen, I had a girlfriend who got me into it. She really wanted to peg me, and so I told her I'd give bottoming another try. She loved anal (on herself, too) and taught me what I had been doing incorrect. After a few experimental sessions, I finally got what bottoming was all most. It felt heavenly. My orgasms were so much stronger with something in my butt than without.
I had no idea how to lesser, which makes sense. Bottoming isn't an innate skill; it'due south something y'all learn. Alas, at that place are not that many resources for men who want to learn how to bottom, merely have no idea where to begin. That'due south why we spoke to Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, an anal surgery practice, for medical information and advice. We also spoke to legendary gay porn stars Boomer Banks and Ty Mitchell for tips on how to lesser.
Why do men bottom?
Well, for one, cisgender gay men don't have vulvas, and then if they want to have penetrative sex, it's really their only selection. Ii, it feels really good for the bottom. Roughly 2-iii inches inside the anus resides the prostate, a walnut-sized gland that's a beacon of pleasance. "In one case y'all tap into its benefits with advisable stimulation, your orgasms will never be the same again," says Goldstein.
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Relaxation is central to enjoying the bottoming experience.
To have a pleasurable (and condom) time bottoming, y'all need to relax the voluntary muscles in your butt in order to take whatsoever you're inserting into information technology, explains Goldstein. You also want to start by inserting smaller things—similar fingers or small butt plugs—before taking a full-on penis or dildo. (Note: Any toy that goes up your butt needs to accept a flared base—y'all don't want it getting stuck up in that location!) If you stretch across your capacity, you can cause damage to the region—nearly commonly in the class of anal fissures or hemorrhoids.
Using yoga-style meditative breathing tin can aid in pelvic floor relaxation, explains Goldstein. Utilise big, deep, full-bellied breaths. He as well suggests "pushing out the pelvic floor during the initial insertion." Whatever you do, do non clamp. For some, it's a natural response to having something within if yous, but yous need to fight the urge.
How to practice bottoming by yourself:
Y'all can start by inserting a lubed-up finger, but brand sure to cutting your nails extremely short and file them downwardly. As someone who's had his anus fingered past women and men with long nails, I can tell yous it's very unpleasant when they accidentally scratch your insides.
Goldstein recommends using anal dilating kits. Dilating kits, in essence, are a few dildos that range in size. You start with the smallest toy, lather it up with as much water-based lube as yous possibly can, and then put it inside of you. You breathe with information technology inside of you, and go used to the sensation. Yous tin can besides "play with it," moving it in and out of you lot with your paw. Goldstein recommends leaving information technology inside of you for 3-5 seconds before removing it. Then reapply lube (if necessary) and exercise it again. He suggests doing x reps per set and 2-3 sets per session. Merely later inserting a dilation toy with ease, can you move onto the next size. Mostly, information technology takes about ii weeks to transition to the side by side toy, assuming you're doing these exercises 2-3 times a week, Goldstein says.
Dilation kits are absolutely great, but they're likewise not necessary for every person who wants to lesser. Personally, I'd recommend ownership a minor prostate massager, and getting used to that. (Information technology should also feel really good!) Just make sure to go deadening, use a lot of lube, and breathe through whatsoever discomfort. Mild discomfort you can breathe through. Pain, you should not. That'southward a difficult finish.
Writer and porn star Ty Mitchell, better known past his social media handles, Probottom, recommends "beingness actually intentional and thoughtful" while practicing on yourself. You need to identify which things aid you relax, which movements make you clench, and how to breathe, he says. "This exercise of embodiment and thoughtfulness helps you arrive touch with your torso, which is necessary to use your asshole sexually."
When practicing by yourself, make sure you're aroused too! Sentry some porn that really turns you on. If you're sticking something upwards your butt without being angry information technology tin be an uncomfortable experience. It feels medical (and not pleasurable), which can make it difficult to relax.
How do you lot go about bottoming with a partner?
Lesser with someone you can actually communicate with. "Information technology'southward almost reaching a level of comfortability for you," says Boomer Banks, the renowned gay porn star. "Actually effort to connect with them beforehand." Talk to your partner about their dos and don'ts, and share your own.This is fifty-fifty more important if you're new to bottoming.
With your partner, start slowly with fingers or a minor toy, and utilise a lot of lube. Silicone-based lube can assist with anal sex considering information technology's thicker. Information technology's safe to use with condoms along with water-based lubes. Oil-based lubes, on the other manus, tin erode latex.
When you start to have penetrative sex, do it from a position where y'all control the thrusting. I often start in the cowgirl position, and tell them to non move. That mode yous control how far the penis or dildo goes inside of you. If you commencement in doggy style, your partner controls the thrusting, and they may accidentally go too quickly before you're relaxed and ready.
What are the proper ways to clean yourself out before sex?
One of the biggest fears of bottoming is accidental poop. "What if I poop on his penis?" is a question nearly every bottom has asked himself at some bespeak in his life.
"It's a natural side consequence," says Mitchell. "It all the same happens to me, someone who's bottoming all the time," he says. And if your partner is rude or judgmental to y'all about it, and so know that they're the asshole, non you.
While pooping during anal sexual practice is by no means the terminate of the globe, at that place are still ways to minimize hazard. The most common way is to clean your anus using a douche. "The goal of douching is twofold: cleanse the anal culvert and rectum with every bit little trauma every bit possible to the region," says Goldstein.
The two master ways you can clean your asshole is to douche using a piddling bulb, where you squeeze clean water into your donkey, or using a hose that yous can connect to your shower caput, and insert that into your behind (often referred to as a shower enema). With either device, you lightly pump the water into your asshole and squeeze it up inside of you. (Note: Please just use make clean water. Don't add any oils or scents!) You allow information technology sit inside of you for a few seconds. Mitchell says he counts to 10. So yous expel the h2o from you. Y'all keep on doing this until you can miscarry completely (or at least relatively) clean water. You besides don't need to eject that much h2o into your behind. Yous're not trying to completely fill it up. You're just rinsing it out.
A note about using a shower hose. Information technology can be hard to command the pressure of the shower water, and you don't want to accidentally burn your insides by using water that'due south also hot. (I've done that and accept never screamed louder in my unabridged life.) And then before inserting the hose inside of y'all, brand sure it's the right temperature (a little colder than lukewarm) with a gentle force per unit area. Don't stick in the hose and then turn on the h2o.
One of the very abrasive things most douching and enemas is that it can cause damage to the the anal region if you lot douche too much. "It tin can disrupt the microbiome in your butt, which affects the normal residuum of the adept and bad bacteria that resides there," says Goldstein. "As a issue, at that place's a chance that micro-cuts and tears can happen, and with the washing away or the absence of the protective layer, it can lead to a higher chance of contracting HIV and other STIs."
Unfortunately, there's no consensus on what constitutes as douching "as well much." This is likely because information technology depends on how much water you utilize each time, what pressure you lot apply, etc. Nevertheless, Goldstein says, "Less is ever more than and if someone is following an appropriate protocol, then 2-three times a week seems fine."
Some studies have shown that a pH-balanced isotonic solution, every bit opposed to regular h2o, tin potentially help clean anal tissue without dissentious the cells as much. So if y'all find yourself douching ofttimes, it might be worth it to invest in an isotonic solution, like Future Method.
How does nutrition come into play?
"What near people don't realize is that being ready to bottom actually starts with your diet," says Goldstein. In fact, if you maintain a diet that'due south total of cobweb (either through food or supplements), anal douching every time earlier sex may non be necessary. Fiber keeps your bowel system regular and moving, which is what you lot want.
Greasy, fried, fatty, creamy, heavy, or spicy foods that upset your stomach aren't platonic if you're trying to maintain a healthy bowel system. Fruits are good! Mitchell makes articulate that for him, it's less almost what he eats every bit opposed to his dietary consistency. He has a relatively light and healthy diet that's high in fiber, but will also drink a loving cup of coffee earlier heading to prepare, which in full general, wouldn't be recommended since coffee has caffeine which tin crusade you to poop. At the end of the day, you need to acquire for yourself which foods work best for you.
What are some of the health/safety risks of bottoming?
In that location's a risk of HIV and STI transmission, as at that place is with whatever sexual act. "Additionally, the external skin, rim, and walls of the anal canal are quite thin and are more prone to several types of injuries, such equally tears, hemorrhoids, skin tags, and abscesses," says Goldstein.
Condoms, of course, are the best way to help protect against STIs and HIV. You tin as well have i of two FDA-canonical antiretroviral medications, either Truvada or Descvoy, for PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis). These daily medications decreases the likelihood of acquiring HIV through sexual practice by well-nigh 99%, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report. If you find yourself bottoming with a lot with unlike partners, PrEP is something you should consider taking. Ask your doctor.
As for the harm done to your anal region? That's why we recommended practicing by yourself first, breathing deeply to relax, using lots of lube, and bottoming from the elevation position, so you're in control. All of these tips aren't simply to help you savor your bottoming experience, they as well assist foreclose whatsoever injuries.
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Source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a31912492/how-to-bottom/
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